Reruns: "Snakes" On The Brain

For a while I was writing blogs for a website called Comic Fodder. I recently found these articles in a folder on my hard drive and after some rereading decided they were kick-ass and deserved  a fresh set of eyes. I'm going to post these whenever I don't have time to write a brand-spanking new blog (or if I don't have any ideas). It's an old Television staple brought to you in blog form.

Taking you back to August 22, 2006 here is a rerun:

Commentary: "Snakes" on the Brain

All summer long we've been hearing about "Snakes on a Plane" and the bizarre journey that took it from low-level B-Movie to high-profile summer release. We've heard the stories about Sam Jackson leaking the title of the movie to prevent the studio from changing the name. We've heard about the re-shoots to take the movie from a PG-13 thriller to a hard-R action adventure.
I know what you're asking: "But was it any good?"
Fuck yes it was good!
Was it an Oscar worthy movie?
No! Of course, it wasn't Oscar worthy. This was "Snakes on a Plane." This movie didn't have to be well directed, or even particularly well plotted. This movie needed a few key elements to succeed and I believe it contained all the necessary ingredients to satisfy the core fan base of this type of sensationalized film:

1. Snakes: Hundreds of snakes. Big and small, fat and skinny. It was awesome as hell. Fucking snakes were everywhere and biting everyone and hissing and rattling. Lots of snakes.
   
2. Boobs: Some hot chicks were on display throughout the entire film but what pushed this over-the-top and right into position for a dedicated cult following are two tanned, double Ds that grace the screen somewhere around minute 45 and then pay off ... I'll get back to that in a moment ...
   
3. Samuel L. Jackson:  He said, "motherfucker" a lot. He also punched a snake, kicked some snakes, shocked some snakes, shot a snake and charmed the pants off of Julianna Margulies. This man is one of my favorite actors, he commits to every performance he gives no matter what the role. He doesn't disappoint and he carries this movie the entire time.
   
4. Comic Relief: Two fat black dudes who bicker, play video games, trade hilarious quips and deliver some of the script's best lines are the anchors for the comic relief necessary for breaking up the tension once all hell breaks loose on the plane. Also, depending on how dark your sense of humor is, several hilarious "kill-shots" of snakes biting everything from a dude's penis to the previously mention double Ds.
   
5. Gore:  Did I mention snakes snacking on penis and boobs? Did I mention snakes crawling out of people's throats, eyes and noses? Did I mention impalement? How about a metal spike through someone's cheek or how about poison- and pus-filled wounds, foaming at the mouth and a man being swallowed alive by a giant python?

If you didn't like this movie because it wasn't well directed, it didn't have a coherent plot, it could have been better acted or if you thought the lighting could have been better, then I think you saw the wrong movie. If you didn't like this movie because it was gross and violent ... then you also saw the wrong movie. If you liked "Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight" or "From Dusk Till Dawn" then this is the movie for you. If you want to see snakes eating people, mayhem, boobs and some good old fashioned carnage then this is the movie for you.
I give it five out of five snake-bitten penises.