Cowa-FUCKING-bunga: The Ninja Turtles Are Back!

What am I thankful for? Quite a bit actually and I’ll be discussing it in length tomorrow in my special FIRST ANNUAL THANKSGIVING DAY EXTRAVABLOGZA™! In the meantime let me tell you about something amazing I saw today.

That’s right it’s the new Teenage Mutant ninja Turtles movie, subtitled, “FOREVER”, and it was mind blowingly awesome. I want to tell you everything about it but I also want you to see it for yourself and marvel as I did over the many surprises. To have the best of both worlds I wrote down my favorite moments and then narrowed them down to the LEAST spoilery of the bunch.
Before I jump into the list a little description of the plot:

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles of the current show (seen front and center in the above poster) are shocked to learn that the local News has captured footage of four mutant turtles stopping a robbery in Midtown. When it is revealed that those four turtles are actually the 90’s animated series incarnation of the famed heroes the fun really begins in a multidimensional adventure that brings Turtles from all realities together to fight the number one bane of all Turtle existence: THE SHREDDER!

Are you hooked yet? Neither was I. When I first read the description I was a little glad but ultimately worried this would end up being a dumb sight-gag that paid no homage to the Turtles of yore. Oh how wrong I was! This movie was lovingly crafted for Turtles fans of every incarnation. Jam packed with a shit-ton of in in-jokes and winks at for the long-time viewing audience (READ: OLD NERDS). What kinds of winks and nods? I’m glad you asked!

• KRANG – That’s right! Everybody’s favorite squishy-looking brain dude is BACK! He also has his robot body, just as you remember it from childhood! It was so exciting to see him and his famed Technodrome that i almost fainted. 

• IRMA! She’s only in a brief cameo (it happens 33:19 into the movie) but I was so thrilled to see that even though they couldn’t fit her into the story, SOMEONE in the production knew enough to toss her into a crowd scene. That’s TURTLE LOVE my friends!

• The COMEDY – this thing was HILARIOUS! I mean it. Maybe not so much for the younger audience but if you loved the Turtles as a kid and remember them fondly you will LOVE THIS MOVIE. Some of my favorite lines?
• “Outta the way Tubby” – said by a New Turtle to a 90’s Turtle
• “The tech of Dimension X is ridiculous!” – it WAS

• Mentions of OOZE – it happens on more than one occasion and it originates from the 90’s Turtles dimension. OF COURSE!

• TURTLE BLIMP- What 90’s Ninja Turtle adventure would be complete without this wondrous invention? If they had left this out I would not have enjoyed this movie as much.

Okay. I’ll stop there. If you think this stuff is cool just wait until you get to the Third Act of the movie. SHIT GOES BANANAS!  Please find it and watch it (i know that if you YOUTUBE “Turtles Forever” someone has already posted it in NINE 10min parts, WATCH IT!!!)

In the interest of fair balance (like FOX!) I wanted to mention two things MISSING from the film. Let me be clear that the writers fit in everything they could without breaking away from the main story and that the inclusion of either of the following two things would have been messy and confusing, so I understand why they weren’t in the film. That said, I missed them.


REST IN PEACE.

USAGI YOJIMBO

AND

THE RAT KING!!!!!!!